On Plans and Not Whats

Finally, after five whole months, the first of the mayn semesters I will be taking in college is finally finished. Also, my mother amd little brother went to Manila because my little brother is going to attend a workshop on Science. Days before, I told my mother that ir was ok that I go with them, thinking that, hey, it's a chance that I go out of Manila, some sort of vacation. Me and my mother would roam the streets of Pampanga while my brother is attending this workshop. I had NO intention whatsoever to give so much effort but just to be myself and REST (because hey, it's been a stressful and tiring sem, what could possibly go wrong??).

Well, it's been roughly two days, and, none of what I was thinking of didn't really go as "planned." Why you ask? For the past two days, I have done NOTHING but think of my brother, attend to his needs, feed him, and even look after him. I really thought I'd be in a room right now, appreciating the things I did throughout the semester, reflecting on things, and even trying to plan my vacation when I FINALLY go home, but NOOO -- mind you I might get dirty with my wording on things but please bear with me, I have had enough of this and I really want spme rest; nothing all this fucking shitty time for the past fucking two days have I had a fucking peaceful and shitty calm day. WHY? Fuck it, I have been doing so much trying to care for my "pampered" brother that I have not had the time to fucking do things I actually want with life. PLEASE, yes, I know that he is my 'loving' and 'dear' brother, but hell, 'Grow up!'

Did I ever experience this much pampering from my parents before whenever I entered activities? HELL NOOOO, FUCK NOOOO. DId I get this much attention just trying to know what was happening to me during the activities? NOOOOOOOOOO - no, No, NO! I may be acting like a spoiled brat here but that's just how I feel towards this. I just really wanted rest. My mother could really go do whatever she wants with her life and pamper my brother with her love, hugs, and smooches for all I care; I just want to be in a place where I can finally be with myself and do the things I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO IN THIS VACATION. I mean, for the past five months, I've studying my ass off trying to get good grades so that my parents would actually be happy for once, and at the VERY least, I would be able to rest now that this fucking sem ended. But hell no, I'm here, outside, trying to look out for my brother, when it was just now that my body felt ALL the stress, energy drain; technically I am EXHAUSTED.

Let's go back to the first point I stressed at the first part of the last paragraph. About the pampering and the attention my brother gets compared to me whenever we attend activities. First off, I have to say that my little brother is younger than me, technically 6 years younger. Next, this is the first activity thay he attended. What else? Right, he acts like a baby, unconscious of his surroundings, still inclined to be pushed by us just for him to know what he was supposed to do. Finally, the workshop where my little brother is attending is far from home. So you think that that would be emough reason for the excessive pampering that my parents had to put up with so that at least my little brother would actually be able to survive this workshop. Think of my case for a second. First, I was YOUNGER than him when I actually joined my first workshop. In truth, he was in fifth grade during this workshop, while I had my first when I was third grade. Second, did my parents stay longer in the place where the workshop I was attending in? NO! In fact, the only times when they were there was before and after the workshop. They never really stayed there. Well, I guess that they only did that because the workshop I was attending in was close to home, but right now, me and my mother is actually ALSO staying in a place close to the venue of my brother's workshop, and, pretty much, transportation is NOT an issue. Then again, I really wonder why they never actually give much attention to me that time. And last, but not the least,